I Bought $250,000 Worth of Toilet Paper No, that’s not a typo. That’s roughly 200,000 premium 3-ply rolls, a warehouse of softness stacked from floor to ceiling. An asset the consumer market literally can’t print fast enough when panic hits. Most people would call it insanity. But let me explain the thesis. Each roll costs about $1.25 today. But over the past 30 years, the price of high-end tissue has risen faster than the CPI, the dollar, and even gasoline, up over 400% since 1995. Meanwhile, governments keep inflating supply chains and deflating standards. It’s only a matter of time before a “cost-optimized” future brings thinner sheets, shorter rolls, and recycled roughness. So what happens when comfort becomes scarce? Those who held the original softness, the “hard assets” of the hygiene world, will see their rolls vanish from supermarket shelves overnight. Just like silver coins, but smoother. My $250,000 position, therefore, isn’t a “hoard.” It’s an asymmetrical bet that civilization will keep consuming, inflation will keep eroding, and softness will keep outperforming scarcity. Worst case? I still have $250,000 of tangible, usable assets that everyone will eventually need. Best case? Prices triple, imports collapse, or regulation forces “eco-paper” making the legacy rolls finite, luxurious, and priceless to the desperate and discerning alike. It’s not crypto. It’s not gold. It’s not even pulp fiction. It’s 200,000 tiny claims on comfort itself, a hedge against both inflation and indigestion. That’s deep value. That’s the Toilet Paper Standard.