It's June, 2026 in a parallel universe where Kamala Harris won. Bitcoin is $169,000 ETH is $9,000 The DOW is $50,001 It's peak alt season because we never had $TRUMP, $MELANIA, or a tariff war. Charlie Kirk is still alive. Benny Johnson proudly steps out of the closet. You don't have to pretend to like Kid Rock's music.