it’s such a bitter pill to swallow that the way you are helping/supporting someone can be in fact what’s keeping them stuck

it's the same thing as "they can only be avoidant because you're anxious." if you accept that you're 50% of the dynamic you'd have to accept that you create a situation in which they can underfunction bc you overfunction and you tell yourself you're necessary

"I have to" no you choose to because you want to so why are you complaining about something you elected to do of your own free will and keep doing?