What if Satoshi is still alive but he shift+deleted all his keys in 2011 and doesn't reveal himself because of the intergalactic shame he'd receive for losing access to the largest undisturbed pile of wealth in the universe? So he now spends his days mopping floors at a Total Wine where he uses an employee discount on the gin he's constantly drinking from a pocket flask to drown his anguish and self loathing. This has to be in the distribution of possible outcomes.