being able to tolerate closeness is an underrated relationship skill. everyone thinks they want it but a lot of people are terrified of it and specifically pick partners they could never be emotionally close to thereby creating constant ambivalence. actual closeness feels annihilatory and can take a lot of work to hold

on some level the whole point of a relationship is compromising your agency which is definitionally uncomfortable. and I think the challenge is finding someone where the compromise seems actually expansive instead of contractive

really loving someone is like having your heart walking around outside of your body doing whatever it likes. how can that not precipitate some degree of terror lol