something is srsly wrong with my brain i just realized someone mentioned the step counter app like a year ago and ever since then i cant stop thinking about my step count no matter where i go even in my own home, also every time i smoke a cig, drink alcohol, do a line, even drink an energy drink i think of all the potential health consequences associated and just every day in my life i think many times of ways i could die today or in the future interestingly enough i feel like ive thought this way ever since i could think at all but when i was younger it was way less conscious and way more integrated into my whole behavior and being, now that my behavior is way different only the thoughts remain and drain my attention and energy i will try to meditate regularly again maybe that helps, its probably just a matter of letting go of old belief structures

@MsChiefMishka actually this is the finished thought from when you asked what it feels like to be me